Sunday, 15 March 2015

No Abuse Day Here

Today is Mother's Day in the United Kingdom but for some people it's anything but a happy occasion.  An acquaintance of mine on a Facebook support group for victims of emotional abuse posted a rant about how her entire family accused her of being the "crazy" one when in fact she was the only sane one of the bunch.

"My narcissistic mother just died. Left me nothing but a horrible letter. My brother used it as an excuse to contact me. He said he was worried about me then proceeded to offload ALL his problems. I empathized and comforted him. He then tried to make digs how he had it worse than me and always tried to help me. I lost my temper because it was the other way around. I helped him endlessly. All he did was beat and torture me as a child, and emotional abuse since.

I tried to confront him about his abuse. He laughed at me and called me a nutcase. Told me I was a nasty person and the same as my mother. I've realized he is exactly like her. It's sad what made him like that but the difference is I was abused by my mother, father, and brother. I didn't abuse anyone. I spent most of my life being a counselor to them all and a punch bag. They all denied abuse and told me it was in my head and I was a bad person. They all told everyone else I had issues so as not to blow the whistle on their public image of being wonderful.  I was allowed no boundaries - no privacy, no thoughts of my own, no respect, no emotional or physical safety.

I am sick of all the "worship your parents" crap. I'm sick of hearing things like "stop blaming your parents". Always from people who don't have a clue what it's like to have a disordered family.  I'm sick of the narcs/psychos brainwashed minions/fan club.  They believe them and condemn the abused. How quick some people are to judge people they don't even know and get their pitchforks out!  I had my mother's friends lecturing me as a kid. I was too terrified of her to tell them of the beatings and psychological abuse.
Those people are enablers!

They haven't won. I spent years introspecting, thinking it was me, trying to love and please them, even feel sorry for them. No more.  I blocked my brother's number. He'll now be telling everyone I'm mentally ill and abandoned him when our mother died and most will believe it. I just wanted him to be accountable and show some remorse for his wicked abuse of me. Show he was human!

I'll be okay. I recognize now that I'm perfectly sane, full of love, and strong as several oxen. People have said to me in the past, "Your parents must have brought you up right."  No, I correct them. I taught myself and looked after myself.

I don't care who sees this. I did nothing wrong and I didn't take my abuse experience out on others. No child deserves abuse, or adult for that matter.  Not all abused end up abusers or needy or weak or cruel. Most of us have incredible strength and compassion and if we feel the effects of abuse deeply it is testament to just how sane we are!  A healthy mind will NEVER understand a disordered and abusive person's mind."

Moral of the story?  Keep living.  If you're an abuse victim, don't let anyone tell you that you asked for it or you need to change your habits.  Enforce your boundaries.  We survivors must give ourselves the love they never did.  The abusers are accountable, not us.

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