The Healing Years

At this time in 2018 I was dreading the coming of the new year.  I knew that 2019 was a major anniversary of a whole lot of painful events that I didn't really want to remember.  However, I also knew that I had to face those memories again and make some major decisions if I wanted to continue moving forward.

August 1989: I turned down a job opportunity in another province so I could be with a man whom I deeply loved, and I thought that he loved me.  He cheated on me with another woman while he was vacationing abroad and planned to move to that country to be with her.

September 1999: I endured "interventions" by the friends and family of my abusive husband, who insisted that our relationship had to work out because it was the Christian thing to do.  When I left him the following month, most of them promptly disowned me.

December 2009: This was the last holiday season that I got to enjoy with both my parents.  My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer one week into 2010.

One of my first actions on January 1st 2019 was to ensure that certain people were permanently blocked from all my social media.  I'd blocked them before, but one of them changed his account so that he could message me.  I didn't want to interact with them at all despite the claims that they only wanted to see if I was doing well.

In the spring I visited my late father's grave site, dug up a teaspoonful of soil and preserved it.  This I later gave to my brother for him to take to our mother's grave and exchange it with some soil from her grave site.  It was to be a symbolic gesture as well an act of healing for me because at least some part of my parents would be together even though they were buried two provinces away from each other.

In October I accepted that I had to begin the process of cataloging the contents of my late parents' house and preparing the place for sale.  That is going to take up a lot of my time in the coming year since the target date is in the autumn of 2020.

Some really good news now: December 31st/January 1st is the 20th anniversary of the "official" first date that I had with the man who would become my soul mate and second husband.  Here's to 20 more years of togetherness.

Happy New Year to all.

The Brick Wall of Ignorance

I recently had the fortune - or perhaps misfortune - to have participated in a debate regarding the impeachment proceedings against the president of the United States and whether he in fact did commit any crimes.

One of the main people in said debate was an old high school chum of mine who is now living in the States.  He was convinced that the entire impeachment process was an effort by the "Deep State" to remove Trump and install their own leader illegally.

My well-researched response to the initial argument presented a clear record of what crimes had indeed been committed by the administration.

Criminal Bribery: According to U.S. Code 201 B2B(2)(a) this occurs when a public official demands anything of value personally in return for being influenced in the performance of an official act.  Given that Trump ordered a hold on $391 million in military aid to Ukraine a week before the infamous phone call, it seems clear that a quid pro quo was intended. He even blatantly said as much on live television in October 2019.

Abuse of Power: See the above.  I followed this up with a reference to Article I of the Constitution: "And no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind." Trump is violating that clause by accepting and encouraging foreign governments to pay to stay at Trump resort properties without Congressional approval.

Contempt of Congress: Trump has repeatedly obstructed investigations by refusing to provide documents and instructing his advisers and government officials not to testify. Ignoring a court order in itself is punishable by fines and jail time.

Obstruction of Justice: See above, plus the Mueller report detailed multiple infractions in which Trump acted to impede investigations.  Not to mention Article II of the Constitution: "[The president] must take care that the laws be faithfully executed".
Trump has not done that; in fact he has instructed officials to not comply with legal orders. Neither has he complied with legal orders.

At least two people countered my arguments with theories about Trump being framed by the Democrats, but gave no supporting evidence to that effect.  Another used an obvious deflection: "Obama did the same things, nobody said anything, and there was no justice."

I asked the skeptics to provide evidence for their claims, but they wouldn't, with the exception of one who insisted the following:

"No witness had first hand knowledge [of the phone call] and anyone who claimed to be a witness were huge donors to the Democrats.  The FISA Court warrant was also brought under erroneous facts because it was based on information from a company that does investigative work to find dirt on other people's campaigns.  Supposedly the Democrats hired a British intelligence officer to write the report and the document was used for the FISA warrant, and none of the exculpatory evidence was shared with the court."

I was in the process of trying to counter that when several other participants resorted to name-calling.  At that point I bowed out of the conversation.  It was clear that these people were die-hard Trump supporters and nothing I added would change their minds.

One last poster echoed my argument; as of this writing there has been no response:

"President Trump literally admitted live on air that he asked Ukraine to investigate the Bidens as a condition of getting mandated Congress-authorized military aid released, and a White House visit. The president also expressly asked other nations to do the same, live on television, to better his chances of re-election. The White House has refused to comply with valid Congressional subpoenas, which is a textbook example of obstruction of justice. These are literally the definition of high crimes and misdemeanors. I'm not pointing this out as a supporter of the Democratic Party (I am not), however President Trump has overstepped and is clearly guilty, by his own words. For the House of Representatives to have nothing would have been wrong."

It hurts me to read so many posts on social media where the ignorance concerning the gravity of the political situation is so blatant.  If Trump somehow gains a second term, it's my belief that the United States as we know it will cease to exist.  The concept of democracy will be reduced to nothing more as as afterthought as the rich and corrupt empower themselves to the expense of everyone else.

Some theorize that the only way to stop this is to spark a second civil war.  There are already rumblings to the effect from "MAGA" supporters who claim that they'll gather their guns and "fight to the last man" if Trump is removed from office.

Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

"Be a Lady" They Said

Author unknown, but a HUGE window into what women deal with every single day.

"Be a lady they said. Your skirt is too short. Your shirt is too low. Your pants are too tight. Don’t show so much skin. Don’t show your thighs. Don’t show your breasts. Don’t show your midriff. Don’t show your cleavage. Don’t show your underwear. Don’t show your shoulders. Cover up. Leave something to the imagination. Dress modestly. Don’t be a temptress. Men can’t control themselves.

Men have needs. You look frumpy. Loosen up. Show some skin. Look sexy. Look hot. Don’t be so provocative. You’re asking for it. Wear black. Wear heels. You’re too dressed up. You’re too dressed down. Don’t wear those sweatpants; you look like you’ve let yourself go.

Be a lady they said. Don’t be too fat. Don’t be too thin. Don’t be too large. Don’t be too small. Eat up. Slim down. Stop eating so much. Don’t eat too fast. Order a salad. Don’t eat carbs. Skip dessert. You need to lose weight. Fit into that dress. Go on a diet. Watch what you eat. Eat celery. Chew gum. Drink lots of water. You have to fit into those jeans. God, you look like a skeleton. Why don’t you just eat? You look emaciated. You look sick. Eat a burger. Men like women with some meat on their bones. Be small. Be light. Be little. Be petite. Be feminine. Be a size zero. Be a double zero. Be nothing. Be less than nothing.

Be a lady they said. Remove your body hair. Shave your legs. Shave your armpits. Shave your bikini line. Wax your face. Wax your arms. Wax your eyebrows. Get rid of your mustache. Bleach this. Bleach that. Lighten your skin. Tan your skin. Eradicate your scars. Cover your stretch marks. Tighten your abs. Plump your lips. Botox your wrinkles. Lift your face. Tuck your tummy. Thin your thighs. Tone your calves. Perk up your boobs. Look natural. Be yourself. Be genuine. Be confident. You’re trying too hard. You look overdone. Men don’t like girls who try too hard.

Be a lady they said. Wear makeup. Prime your face. Conceal your blemishes. Contour your nose. Highlight your cheekbones. Line your lids. Fill in your brows. Lengthen your lashes. Color your lips. Powder, blush, bronze, highlight. Your hair is too short. Your hair is too long. Your ends are split. Highlight your hair. Your roots are showing. Dye your hair. Not blue, that looks unnatural. You’re going grey. You look so old. Look young. Look youthful. Look ageless. Don’t get old. Women don’t get old. Old is ugly. Men don’t like ugly.

Be a lady they said. Save yourself. Be pure. Be virginal. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t flirt. Don’t be a skank. Don’t be a whore. Don’t sleep around. Don’t lose your dignity. Don’t have sex with too many men. Don’t give yourself away. Men don’t like sluts. Don’t be a prude. Don’t be so up tight. Have a little fun. Smile more. Pleasure men. Be experienced. Be sexual. Be innocent. Be dirty. Be virginal. Be sexy. Be the cool girl. Don’t be like the other girls.

Be a lady they said. Don’t talk too loud. Don’t talk too much. Don’t take up space. Don’t sit like that. Don’t stand like that. Don’t be intimidating. Why are you so miserable? Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be so bossy. Don’t be assertive. Don’t overact. Don’t be so emotional. Don’t cry. Don’t yell. Don’t swear. Be passive. Be obedient. Endure the pain. Be pleasing. Don’t complain. Let him down easy. Boost his ego. Make him fall for you. Men want what they can’t have. Don’t give yourself away. Make him work for it. Men love the chase. Fold his clothes. Cook his dinner. Keep him happy. That’s a woman’s job. You’ll make a good wife some day. Take his last name. You hyphenated your name? Crazy feminist. Give him children. You don’t want children? You will some day. You’ll change your mind.

Be a lady they said. Don’t get raped. Protect yourself. Don’t drink too much. Don’t walk alone. Don’t go out too late. Don’t dress like that. Don’t show too much. Don’t get drunk. Don’t leave your drink. Have a buddy. Walk where it is well lit. Stay in the safe neighborhoods. Tell someone where you’re going. Bring pepper spray. Buy a rape whistle. Hold your keys like a weapon. Take a self-defense course. Check your trunk. Lock your doors. Don’t go out alone. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t bat your eyelashes. Don’t look easy. Don’t attract attention. Don’t work late. Don’t crack dirty jokes. Don’t smile at strangers. Don’t go out at night. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t say yes. Don’t say no.

Just “be a lady” they said."

The Politics of Confusion

Just a short one today. This was a comment by a Facebook friend on a political post titled "Trump Impeachment is Based on Law, Not Politics."  Said comment was made in response to an opinion that liberals were to blame for a perceived war on Christmas. Parentheses are mine.

-~-

To all these uninformed nimrods:

A. Christmas is NOT Christ’s birthday. There is ZERO proof that he was born in December (many Bible scholars have suggested a birth date in September). The only reason Christians made it that way is because they wanted to include (or co-opt) Pagan winter celebrations so they would blend into Christianity.

B. This country was founded on and built by immigrants. Want a REAL non immigrant nation? Then most of us would have to go back to Europe on the boats that brought our ancestors here so Native Americans could have their country back.

C. "Happy Holidays" has been used for DECADES; there are Christmas songs that use it. Happy Holidays is an inclusive term for all December celebrations. What kind of ego do you need to have to be so narrow minded?

D. There are immigrants who have fought and died for our flag; have you? I could go on for hours, but people who are so closed minded wouldn’t listen anyway.

Clear and Present Danger

I've written many posts on this subject but there's always something more to say.

This week, yet another family was in ruins after a man allegedly killed his estranged wife and their two children, and then drove 50 kilometers away to kill himself.  He had been charged with assaulting his wife in 2018 but was acquitted.  One of the conditions of his release, however, was that he sign a peace bond that included a clause to not contact his partner for a year.

It has been shown time and again that peace bonds, restraining orders, or any similar legal document, do not work in many cases.  Men who feel that their power and/or control is being threatened don't care about a piece of paper.  They will track down the person whom they believe is responsible for their perceived humiliation and take out their frustrations on them, often with fatal results.

What's worse is there are serial offenders who take every chance they get to act again, particularly after they've been released from prison on bail or on probation.  In India, where sexual crimes are rampant, a woman was burned to death after her alleged rapist was released from prison on bail and he got four of his buddies to help him.

It's frightening to me because I or friends of mine could've been statistics.  I've been a passenger in a vehicle where the driver threatened to crash the vehicle if he didn't get the last word in a disagreement.  I was stalked for months after leaving a toxic relationship.  I heard it said that if a jilted man saw his ex-partner with her new boyfriend in the street, he'd run them down with his car.

In this age of increasing divisiveness and hatred, women seem to be bearing the brunt of it.  Women in positions of power are not respected (or paid) as much as their male counterparts.  Some countries are clawing back women's rights and denying access to abortion and prenatal medical care.  In the state of Ohio, an anti-abortion bill proposes that doctors will be required to "re-implant" an ectopic pregnancy - a procedure that is medically impossible.

Women everywhere need to keep the pressure on, despite the risks.  Or else the patriarchal culture will continue unchanged while women are forced back into being little more than objects for men to have their way with.