Forget Galileo or Newton. Here are the real natural laws.
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, etc. when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Hot Drink Law - As soon as you sit down with a cup of hot drink, you will be asked to do something which will last until the drink is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well and make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But if you don't make an appointment, you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.
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