Monday, 16 June 2014

Keeping Interest

One of my Facebook friends shared an image this morning, of a letter written by a dad to his young daughter saying that he didn't care about any future boyfriend's physical attributes as long as he was genuinely interested and caring of her.  All a woman should need to do to be interesting is to be herself.

That's some of the best advice a woman can have.

The media is filled with advice to women on how to keep their partner's interest: lose weight, wear particular kinds of clothing, use certain moves in bed, that kind of thing.  Basically, change yourself to suit your partner.

I went through that.  My ex would get on my case about how un-womanly I seemed to be because I had a fairly conservative wardrobe and I wouldn't wear high heeled shoes.  His blunt demands for sex were a turn-off for me but he refused to see that; instead he called me "frigid".  He paid more attention to his vehicle or his computer than to me.  I came to the conclusion that I wasn't "interesting" enough.  Even though he had claimed to have married me for love, it certainly didn't seem that way any more.

So I tried to change.  I started attending church to see if it would help me figure out what made him tick.  I bought more trendy clothes, kept up with the housework, and even sat through some awful adult movies (at his behest).  It worked for a short time, but then I would lapse and things went back to same-old same-old and I had to work twice as hard to regain his affection.  He would blame it on me of course.

Eventually I realized that I was fighting a losing war.  We were both set in our ways, and any attempt by either of us to change would only result in a short-lived solution.  He was unwilling to meet me halfway and I was unable to fulfill everything he wanted from me.  This was on top of all the emotional abuse that he was already heaping upon me.  It was only a matter of time before our relationship was doomed.

If a woman has to change herself to keep her partner, then that partner is not worth her time.


  1. The most wonderful words in the world aren't, "I love you." They are, "I love you just the way you are."

  2. This is such an inspirational post. It's very true, our partners can make us feel like we have to change to get their love, however that's not how it's supposed to be they're supposed to love you as you are flaws and all. I am relieved to hear that the guy is your ex. You deserve better than that. :)

  3. I think it is a mix. Every man will naturally have his own types of women he is attracted to, and many prefer very feminine women while a few prefer tomboys. Some men prefer conservative women - my husband does!

    However, no one can be anyone other than themselves, and there is a lid out there for every pot. A man should find a woman who already is what he wants and be with her. It is emotionally abusive to try and change someone like that. Nothing wrong with asking for some small changes now and then, but to ask for too much is to ask the person to deny their identity.