Keeping Interest

One of my Facebook friends shared an image this morning, of a letter written by a dad to his young daughter saying that he didn't care about any future boyfriend's physical attributes as long as he was genuinely interested and caring of her.  All a woman should need to do to be interesting is to be herself.

That's some of the best advice a woman can have.

The media is filled with advice to women on how to keep their partner's interest: lose weight, wear particular kinds of clothing, use certain moves in bed, that kind of thing.  Basically, change yourself to suit your partner.

I went through that.  My ex would get on my case about how un-womanly I seemed to be because I had a fairly conservative wardrobe and I wouldn't wear high heeled shoes.  His blunt demands for sex were a turn-off for me but he refused to see that; instead he called me "frigid".  He paid more attention to his vehicle or his computer than to me.  I came to the conclusion that I wasn't "interesting" enough.  Even though he had claimed to have married me for love, it certainly didn't seem that way any more.

So I tried to change.  I started attending church to see if it would help me figure out what made him tick.  I bought more trendy clothes, kept up with the housework, and even sat through some awful adult movies (at his behest).  It worked for a short time, but then I would lapse and things went back to same-old same-old and I had to work twice as hard to regain his affection.  He would blame it on me of course.

Eventually I realized that I was fighting a losing war.  We were both set in our ways, and any attempt by either of us to change would only result in a short-lived solution.  He was unwilling to meet me halfway and I was unable to fulfill everything he wanted from me.  This was on top of all the emotional abuse that he was already heaping upon me.  It was only a matter of time before our relationship was doomed.

If a woman has to change herself to keep her partner, then that partner is not worth her time.