Wednesday, 9 July 2014

A Letter to my Ex's Girlfriend

Dear New Girl: I recently took a quick peek at my ex's Facebook profile and noticed pictures of a Cuban vacation, in which you were prominently featured.  I realized that he was in a relationship at last, after having been alone for a number of years.  I offer you my congratulations.  And my deepest sympathies.

Why would I be sorry for you, you ask?  The reasons are many.  Although many years have passed since I left him and he might have mellowed over time, it has been my experience that men never change their habits.  So I am writing to warn you about what to expect down the road.

Has he told you about his past?  Has he even mentioned me?  It's unlikely, since it's considered bad for a relationship to bring up an ex for any reason.  So let me ask you a few questions.  When he's angry while driving, does he step on the brakes to jerk the vehicle and scare the daylights out of you?  When another driver cuts him off in traffic, does he tailgate the offender and flash the high-beams while grinning like a teenager playing Grand Theft Auto?  Has he demanded sex at inappropriate times, such as while you're trying to sleep or when you're busy with something else?  If the answer to any of these questions is 'yes' then he hasn't changed, and you can expect more of the same.

For the last year of my relationship with him, he made my life a living hell.  I endured mental abuse, isolation from my friends, and treatment as an object to be used instead of cherished.  Very few knew about the monster he was in private, because he had forbidden me to talk to anyone about our personal problems.  His own family insisted that 'he was not brought up that way' and believed him to be a good person.  But I knew better.

The last straw came when I went out to spend some time with a dear friend on his birthday.  I didn't realize that I was being followed.   He eventually confronted me and my friend, accused me of cheating, and pushed my friend around.  I moved out soon afterward, and then he told anyone who would listen that I had been cheating and it was my fault that our relationship had ended.  All of his family and most of our mutual friends cut me off completely.  When I invited him to my new place in an attempt to talk to him reasonably, he sexually assaulted me.  I suffered a nervous breakdown and needed therapy for months.

So please let this letter serve as a warning, New Girl.  He might seem like a great guy at first, but as time goes on he will become abusive and manipulative.  I know you will most likely disregard all this as the rantings of a jealous ex, but at least I can continue my life with a clear conscience.  Good luck to you.

1 comment:

  1. Good for you. I was really impressed by the honesty and bravery it took for you to share this with the world. Maybe some people would say you're just bitter, but I lived that life and I commend you for getting out and recognizing it for what it was. Let's hope she does too. Take care.