Friday, 27 February 2015

Assigning Blame

My good friend Elfie who lost her son last month has no patience for people who think they can advise parents on how to "get over it".  Because if suicide isn't bad enough, apparently blame must be assigned.  Items to be claimed are:

Parents. ... Meds. ... Doctors. ... Psychologists. ... Public School System. ... Bullies. ... Sugar. ... Video Games. ... Goth Subculture. ... Dubstep. ... Winter. ... Allergies. ... GMOs.

If anyone thinks discussing where the blame lies with a grieving parent is in any way helpful to said grieving parent, please pick up the "If Only" forms at the front desk and fill them out with a ballpoint pen. Press hard to be sure you've transferred your information to all 10 carbon copies.

The white copy may be filed with the grieving parent.  The yellow copy is for the cashier at the grocery store checkout.  Cyan for the guy at the coffee shop.  Lime may be submitted to any fast food outlet.  Puce should be submitted only to those parents who wear reflective vests at recess in the school yard.  Magenta is for the parents who hang around the kindergarten enclosures.  Lavender for the guy who dropped out of med school after the first year, but who holds onto his authority by saying he went to med school.  Goldenrod goes to someone who knows someone else whose kid had a problem with bullies, but he pulled through OK.  Robin's-egg blue should be submitted only to a school principal.  Retain the pink for your own records, and future ranting.

Fill out a separate "You Shoulda" form each time the local daily paper publishes another article on raising resilient children.

It's logical to want to find reasons for a tragic event.  However, placing blame is counter-productive.  A big part of the issue is that since the advent of the Internet, lots of people suffer from "know-it-all-itis".  This has a tendency to make them ignoramuses if they think it's okay to discuss blame with the very people who need support at a time when the last thing they want to hear is who or what was at fault.

Sometimes we have to accept that things can happen for no reason.

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